Life with a PURPOSE

you left. just a simple message. everything is over. is not your fault. cause is mine. i do things to harshly. i didn't cared about your feelings. i didn't cared how you do. i didn't care are you okey. all i care is whether i'm still in there.

everytime i think about this. i hope what you say isn't real. i always thought you cope it up just because you want to concentrate on your studies. i hope and believe one day you will be back. but i also think that i'm no worthly. I don't know what's God plan. but i just hope, just hope. hmmm, when people say love is to see the person you love to be happy. but i don't know why. maybe i have being hindering God's love. His grace, unconditional love. His mercy. His greatness.

Is it what you prayed and work for you will get it? Is it? I know God will prepare someone. but i just can't stop thinking about you. i so stubborn. even i want to laugh at my stubborniness. hopeless. days and days passed. the end of the days is near. but why am i still not alert. Chao yi what do you want. can you just tell me. i don't understand why. why are you like that. so helpless, so mei yong. like nothing you done had glorify God. Do you think you are worth to be His servent?

I can't fellowship, i can't love people with God given love. I can't talk, cause i got personal problem. and that really destory my self condifence totally. i just hope for a simple and happy life. and that the hardest. simple! happy! those words are so far far away. not within my reach...

today while working... i worked until very tired. then see Z at there slacking around... Totally sux. Why he slacking and i need to work so hard. Why? why? why? I'm tired of my life. I seems so meaningless. God I'm crying out to you. Response to me if you hear me. I need rest... Btw i want to thank God for my O level result. Even it isn't well done. But I'm thankful le. At least He let me go poly...

Because here is no television set and i just got the play station 2. I wish i had a tv so that i can play. And truely, nothing was given when i was so angry. When thing starts to get worst, i decided to stop and settle those things. I intended to go buy a small tv set. But in the end, also didn't buy. Then the next day, i found a tv set at the lift corner. Wa!!! God provides...

When i'm not thinking, i will think about the you i first met. you just a small little girl which seems so innocent. so pure and ke ai. But time never stop for anyone. you grow and mature. You were no longer the girl i first met. Cause mature means abandoning the old childish self. And put on a mature and resposible self. Missed you sweet sweet voice. missed your concern. missed your I dunnoe... maybe is i negative so can't feel anything le. But my days without thinking about you were better. I don't know why. Maybe when i think about you. I will think about the nightmares then the sweet memories. Even is the sweet memories. they are just memories.
O level result releasing soon... Hope can enter poly and continue with life... Just live a life for God alone ba. maybe forever single so wouldn't feel hurt... AND MOST IMPORTANT, I WOULDN'T HURT THE OTHER PARTY...