Life with a PURPOSE

................................. since i wasn't meant for her.... why You let me met her... why You let me see things that i don't want to see from her... why You don't tell me... I'm lost, i can't feel You... You know i'm weak... I crying out for You... You didn't response... Why, You gave me a stressless childhood. But... but... why.... why... can you tell me why...

so quiet in the night. i felt so lonely and depressed. i suddenly start to ask myself, why am i living on this earth. there's seems like nothing for me to do on this earth. i lost all my meaning on living. i can't see my future. i can't see what am i going to do next. its so dark. my life is so meaningless. like on this earth for 16 years plus. i didn't nothing that is beneifical to the earth. i like a rubbish on the earth. i am really lost. i lost my soul. onli left this body sitting infront of the computer typing all this... i wasted my life. i no life le. nothing seems to be moving. i can't move on. now all i thinging is about ending this life. which seems so meaningless. my vision is blur. i am a failure. today make a big mistake at work place. hai, the worst is i disappointed God. He loved me so much. but i fail him again and again. and nothing seems to change. i am here to waste the material that is more worthy for the society. living on this earth, stealing others air and food. hai, just a trash on earth. my future is none....

walking on a dark dark road. feeling hopeless and depressed. a bright shining light appeared behind me. a saw a shadow, so warm and so closed. the shadow made me felt so happy. the happiness within me is so great. is so good to being like by someone that you also like. with you i felt joy. but, one day, all gathering will be finished and everything will end. one day i will just lose you cause God had a great plan for you. there's someone out there that care for you. you are right, i just concern about whether you like me anot. but never concern about how you feel and how are you. time passed, i thought by waiting, things will be better. but, i wasn't... maybe we will just be hao peng you. maybe i will not be with you in the end of my life...

Labels: miser

I wish i can be thoughtful, so that i can think for others before thinking for myself...
I wish i can be patient, so that i wouldn't get hot tempered so easily...
I wish i can be gald hearted, so that i can feel God's grace and blessing everyday...
I wish i can be faithful, cause the end is near... and i want to be with heavenly Father...

went to work today, late again. kana scolded... but learn alot of things. go home, traffic jam... stand whole day le, in bus still need to stand. go buy sweet and bubble tea. the bubble tea warper write, LOVE IS BLIND... Is it real??? Can it be so blind that i can don't see the things i Don't want to see? my words were more and more hurtful. If this obstacle is overcomed, i think i already can master le. Cause this obstacle is the hardest...

started working on friday. 1st day of work i already late. Cause miscalculation of time. before this job, i went to mac to interview. The supervior asked me to go for job testing, but ended up i going to friend's father company to work. And was kana scolded for doing that. And today, ntuc which i applied for called. They took 2 weeks to response. Lol... when i needed job so badly, none appear. when i had one alreadi, a few appeared...

what happened
>the day b4, emotion alreadi quite bad...
>then seeing A sitting with B when i reach church late cause miscalculated the time wrongly again.
> playing cap, see A and B sitting togther again at the bench.
> while playing, saw A chasing after B, having fun with B...
> then anger gathered.
> then like bankai like that, movement faster and more violent
> then went home...

Labels: nothing...

i wish i never met you, so i wouldn't see what you are doing.
i wish i was blind, so that i wouldn't see what you are doing.
i wish i was never alive, so that i wouldn't be there to see what you are doing.
i wish i was a mad guy, so that i wouldn't get to know you.
i wish i never being here, so that i wouldn't meet you.
i wish i never say those stupid words, so that i will never know you.
i wish i have nothing to do with you, so that i can live on with my life.
i wish i wasn't a guy, so that nothing will happen.
i wish i can be alone, so that i dun get those i had wished for...

AI WO HAO MA?

Sui ran shou lie le xu duo de qing gan
Hai shi xie lou le wo de bu an
Yu shi ni kai shi leng dan
Wo ye kai shi wen zi ji gai zen me ban

Ru guo ni zhi dao wo de yi hang
Qian wan bu yao zai yi wei ran
Wo de sheng huo yi jing hun ruan
Dao chu piao liu que shi zhong kao bu le an
Zhe shi wo zui hou
Zui mei zui zhen
Zui xin sui de liu yan

OH ai wo hao ma
Wo yuan yi rang shan xin zai lai yi bian
Zhi yao ni liu yi ge wei zhi gei wo
Na pa shi zai ni xin zhong
Zui rong yi bei hu lue de jiao luo

OH ai wo hao ma
Wo yuan yi rang shan xin zai lai yi bian
Zhi yao ni liu yi ge wei zhi gei wo
Na pa shi zai ni xin zhong
Zui rong yi bei hu lue de jiao luo

Ru guo ni zhi dao wo de yi hang
Qian wan bu yao zai yi wei ran
Wo de sheng huo yi jing hun ruan
Dao chu piao liu que shi zhong kao bu le an
Zhe shi wo zui hou
Zui mei zui zhen
Zui xin sui de liu yan

OH ai wo hao ma
Wo yuan yi rang shan xin zai lai yi bian
Zhi yao ni liu yi ge wei zhi gei wo
Na pa shi zai ni xin zhong
Zui rong yi bei hu lue de jiao luo

Luo ~~~~~
OH ai wo hao ma
Wo yuan yi rang shan xin zai lai yi bian
Zhi yao ni liu yi ge wei zhi gei wo
Na pa shi zai ni xin zhong
Zui rong yi bei hu lue de jiao luo

My weaknesses: think too much, assume too much, ask too much, can't speak, very negative, dismoralise people, hai. Too many weakness...

Today is combine for the whole church. My day started quite bad cause something happened the day before. I was moody throughout the day. Even during service, i couldn't really worship. During service, there was 2 times where we were ask to greet and say those good stuff to each other. I don't know why, i tried to avoid someone. Cause... Hmmm, i know there's no turning back but hope it will just come out fine. Tomorrow i'm going to look for a job. Cause nothing to do at home. I rather waste time and get some money then waste time and no money come in.

Most importantly: i want to thank God for guiding through my job at my friend's father company. Even though the job is tiring, but God put kind people around. Normally people were scare that they will meet someone that if you offend you will get in deep trouble. But lucky, God provided friendly manger and workers around. They really encourage me, especially one of the jie jie, she taught me alot of things. And people will rather study then work.

I goals of this year:
Growth in my spiritual walk with God(this week was haywire)
Honour my parents
Serve God to my fullest(coz i failed last year)
Having the knowledge to communitcate with others
Contorl temper
Lastly: get mature and more sensitive to others feeling

Can some ymers help me find excuses to tell myself to stay in church to communitcate with you all. I like drifting further and further away. When pastor read those phrases that believers must grow together in church. If not why join church. I was always guilty about this. SO please help me^^

Earthly things had being seperating me from God. Earthly things like had took over my life and stopping to get closer to God. So casting all my ke wang on earthly things and follow God alone.
I know is hard but some will do and with God, i know i can do it.
Tell what i really want and what i can do for that someone.

Labels: still affected...